These were found in Milton Berle’s Private Joke File. He admits that some were “borrowed” from others:
A pig bought on credit is forever grunting
A wet bird never flies
Few people blame themselves until they have exhausted all other possibilities
It’s a bad cook who can’t lick her own fingers
You always get the last word if you argue alone
When we are flat on our backs, there is no way to look but up
Only the wise can be perplexed
A crowd is not company
The universe is a BIG place. It is mind-blowing to realize there are more stars out there than there are grains of sand on the earth. The universe is still expanding, and I cannot imagine what it is expanding into! But, I can envision two possible scenarios for mankind interacting with living, sentient beings elsewhere in the universe. I admit there are more possibilities but today I can only describe these two.
Both scenarios (and any other ones) start with the following understanding from the Bible: The God who created the universe is majestic and can set things up however he desires. Man is made in God’s image. Abraham and Israel were chosen to be God’s people, through whom the promise would be delivered. From the line of David, God sent his only begotten Son as a redemptive sacrifice for mankind. The church body of Christ was chosen to be his witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and the ends of the earth. Jesus will return in glory to judge the living and the dead, and to usher in a new Heaven and new Earth for those who believe in Him.
Scenario number one says that this earth is the one place where the designer caused life to exist. This should deepen our wonder and awe as we comprehend that His glorious power in creation was done solely for our benefit! We would need to understand our place as the chosen people and acknowledge with the Psalm 8 writer, “O LORD, our LORD!”
Scenario number two adds another layer to the “witnesses” directive. Whatever other beings are out there need to know the One True Trinitarian God of the Universe. So, if men travel to other inhabited planets, part of God’s purpose will be having believers tell what we know about the saving grace of Jesus Christ.
I don’t know enough to determine which scenario (or another one) is true. But I do know enough to understand that Our LORD has a plan that includes us. I like the first scenario better because (a) nothing gets added to scripture, (b) it increases my awe for God, and (c) it probably won’t take as long.
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he found a dead cat. She asked “How do you know that it was dead?” “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.
“You did WHAT?!?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
“You know”, explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”
There are two inter-related lists in Romans 5.1-5. The first group describes results of our being justified by faith:
What was that last one? Peace, grace, hope, and glory all sound good, but what’s with suffering? Indeed this passage explains the purpose of our sufferings (and everyone has them):
Why? Because God’s love has been poured in to our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. So suffering now is a productive gift for the present and the future.
#1: A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says “make me one with everything”
#2: The vendor makes the hot dog and hands it to the Buddhist monk, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. “Excuse me, but where’s my change?” asks the Buddhist monk. The vendor replied, “Change must come from within.”
Thanks, Tim!
Prophecy and symbolism abound in the Bible. The gospels point back to the Old Testament as prophecy many times – virgin birth, coming from Nazareth, riding a young donkey, by his stripes we are healed, and many more.
There is at least one instance of numerical symbolism that Jesus employs – the seventy-two (or seventy – ancient manuscripts vary) disciples he sends out two by two in Luke 10. These men are sent out into every town and place where he himself was about to go, as an advance advertisement that Jesus and the kingdom are coming.
This sending out was a precursor to the Great Commission – believers are called to be witnesses for the Lord, making disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 28.19). And we know all nations will be reached because the saints are singing praise to Jesus in Revelation 5 – “you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation.”
The number seventy (or seventy-two) is appropriate because back in Genesis 10 there is an impressive list of seventy men’s names you don’t hear much anymore – the only ones I recognize are Shem, who was one of the Three Stooges, and Nimrod (Mighty Hunter), which some school in the Upper Peninsula has for a mascot. These are the generations of the sons of Noah, those born to them after the flood.
Genesis 10.32 says, “From these, the nations spread abroad on the earth”. So the nations were formed long ago, and early in Jesus’ ministry he lets people know he came to reach every nation by sending out just the right number of heralds.
There are no cool number days this week. None the first week of January, one next week, but FOUR last week. Clearly SOME days have all the fun.
Look forward to three fun Pallindrome days (same forward and backward) in April. The zeros need to be removed to make them palindromes, so they are labeled No-zero Pallindromes:
4/1/14 (4114)
4/11/14 (41114)
4/14/14 (41414)
See the first set of professional hymns on 12/28/13
The IRS Agent’s Hymn: I Surrender All
The Gossip’s Hymn: Pass It On
The Electrician’s Hymn: Send The Light
The Shopper’s Hymn: Sweet By and By
The Realtor’s Hymn I’ve Got a Mansion, Just Over the Hilltop
The Massage Therapists Hymn: He Touched Me
The Doctor’s/ Hymn: The Great Physician
The first missionary journey of Paul and Barnabas is described in Acts 13.4-14.26. They went out from Antioch, preached the good news of Jesus Christ in synagogues and other places, established groups of believers, and moved on. Then on the way back, they stopped to see their church plants and do the following follow-up activities (Acts 14.22-26):
A man says to his physician, “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
“Well, It’s Not Unusual.”
A. Knapp for That 