Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one – and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one – and let the other one off.
Two elderly couples were walking down the street, the women a couple of metres ahead of the men. One man told the other that they’d had a wonderful meal the night before-great food, reasonably priced.
His friend asked for the name of the restaurant. “Well, I’ll need your help on this. Let’s see, there’s a flower that smells great and has thorns on the stem?”
“That would be a rose,” his friend responded.
“That’s it!” the man replied. Then he shouted to his wife: “Hey, Rose! What’s the name of the restaurant we ate at last night?”
Kevin led a sweet prayer time at elders meeting last week using James 1 and a well-known rubric.
In the ESV version, James 1 is nicely divided into eight specific paragraphs, each consisting of two or three sentences. Kevin would read a paragraph while participants followed along in their Bibles.
After each reading, the elders would voice, as led by the Lord, prayers of Rejoicing / Praise, Confession/Repentence, and Requests/Supplication. The paragraphs in James 1 have abundant depth and variety, leading to rich prayers.
Many Bible passages, especially the epistles, can be partitioned by paragraphs. And other rubrics are possible – for example ACTS – Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication.
Maybe you have calmed down after the festivities of PI Day yesterday. Even if not, there are some cool days this week.
This week has THREE multiples of three: Today (3/15/15), Wednesday (3/18/15), and Saturday (3/21/15). Sounds like a good sermon with all those threes!
Wednesday is also a Minus Subtract day, since 3 – 18 = -15.
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
see Too Punny for more
God made several things happen together Wednesday morning to provide a moment’s wonder to one who was watching. The sun, from 93 million miles away, provided abundant light for making shadows. The early pre-dawn fog had lifted and the bedroom window shade was raised so that the sun’s rays were unobstructed. The sun and the earth were briefly in just the right relative positions so that the sunlight poured through the window and lit up the TV screen on the far wall. A watcher sat down in the bedroom chair to read and pray. And a Cardinal landed in the tree outside the window.
The watcher’s eye caught a movement on the TV and looked up to see a shadow bird dancing there. The tail flipped up, the bird hopped to the side, spun around, cocked its head and flew away. The show lasted about five seconds but long enough for the watcher to realize this premier performance was a personal treat unlikely to be repeated.
I rejoice to know a sovereign God who orchestrates all things at all times for the good of His people and for His glory.
The other day I sent my friend a huge pile of snow. I called him up and asked ”Did you get my drift?”
It is just so hard to imagine the work that went into food preparation in bible times, without refrigerators, microwaves, or running water. There is an amazing culinary scene at the beginning of Genesis 18.2-8 when Abraham is trying to impress three lordly gentlemen who had come to visit:
He lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, three men were standing in front of him. When he saw them, he ran from the tent door to meet them and bowed himself to the earth and said, “O Lord, if I have found favor in your sight, do not pass by your servant. Let a little water be brought, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree, while I bring a morsel of bread, that you may refresh yourselves, and after that you may pass on—since you have come to your servant.” So they said, “Do as you have said.” And Abraham went quickly into the tent to Sarah and said, “Quick! Three seahs of fine flour! Knead it, and make cakes.” And Abraham ran to the herd and took a calf, tender and good, and gave it to a young man, who prepared it quickly. Then he took curds and milk and the calf that he had prepared, and set it before them. And he stood by them under the tree while they ate.
First, picture the 97 year old Abraham RUNNING to get the meals arranged. That would have been worth paying good money to see. Then after offering “a morsel of bread” he had a three course meal prepared.
They must have had a different definition of “quick.” Three seahs is roughly seven quarts. That is a lot of flour, and somebody had to go get enough water to mix up the batter. Since you don’t just throw out some wet wheat globs in a couple of minutes for glorious guests, there was probably some rising yeast involved. Mixing, rising, cooking and without a nice gas grill, the fire had to be stoked.
Separately, their young chef was grilling the meat. There was no nice hunk of steak aging in the cooler; this meal started with a live animal on the hoof! Butcher it, clean it, put it on the spit. Cook it up just right and plop it on a plate with cottage cheese. Must have taken at least two hours, even if the herd was right next door.
I can see where the jokes come from when service is slow at a restaurant: “they sent somebody down the road to Meijer to get a head of lettuce!” or “the butcher must be on a lunch break.” But the three men in Genesis didn’t seem to mind waiting and probably had a pleasant conversation. I will try to remember to do the same.
One day in a tavern a sailor and a pirate were comparing stories of their adventures. The pirate had a peg leg, one hook for a hand and an eye patch. The sailor asked about his peg leg. “I lost it in a shark attack,” the pirate said.
“What happened to your hand?”
“That I lost in a sword fight,” the pirate answered. And when he was asked about his patch, he explained a seagull dropping fell into his eye.
Astonished, the sailor said, “You mean to say that you lost your eye because of a seagull?”
“Well,” the pirate replied, “it happened the first day I had the hook.”