Steven Wright Statements

“I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.”

“I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”

“Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.”

“Half the people you know are below average.”

“A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.”

Whate’er My God Ordains Is Right

This song title is a hard, hard thing for independent people to swallow.  It is a frank, bold statement of the sovereignty and providence of God. The song writer, Samuel Rodigast, not only acknowledges what the title says, but also that he will leave all troubles to Him, he will patiently wait for Him, and God’s love and truth are great comfort.

Whate’er my God ordains is right: His holy will abideth; I will be still whate’er He doth; And follow where He guideth; He is my God; though dark my road, He holds me that I shall not fall: Wherefore to Him I leave it all.

Whate’er my God ordains is right: He never will deceive me; He leads me by the proper path: I know He will not leave me. I take, content, what He hath sent; His hand can turn my griefs away, And patiently I wait His day.

Whate’er my God ordains is right: His loving thought attends me; No poison can be in the cup That my Physician sends me. My God is true; each morn anew I’ll trust His grace unending, My life to Him commending.

Whate’er my God ordains is right: He is my Friend and Father; He suffers naught to do me harm, Though many storms may gather, Now I may know both joy and woe, Some day I shall see clearly That He hath loved me dearly.

Whate’er my God ordains is right: Though now this cup, in drinking, May bitter seem to my faint heart, I take it, all unshrinking. My God is true; each morn anew Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart, And pain and sorrow shall depart.

Whate’er my God ordains is right: Here shall my stand be taken; Though sorrow, need, or death be mine, Yet I am not forsaken. My Father’s care is round me there; He holds me that I shall not fall: And so to Him I leave it all.

Regular or Ethyl?

Recently I cleaned the windshield on our vehicle while filling it with fuel; it brought to mind my summer job as a gas station attendant in Lansing.  It was located on Kalamazoo street, between Cedar and Larch, right where the Wendy’s restaurant is now.

This was after my sophomore year at MSU, and I stayed in town to attend the Summer Training Program run by University Reformed Church.  College students would work during the day (or late at night) and attend a variety of classes and training sessions in the evenings and on the weekends. Interestingly, a similar ministry has been in place the last several years, but all the students are in Petoskey and it is now a Project rather than a Program.

Joe and I both landed daytime jobs at this Gulf gas station, along with another fellow who worked the night shift.  Joe was attending Michigan Tech, but transferred to MSU after that summer.  He became a good friend and was in the wedding party when Diane and I were married – he was one of the ones who ALMOST fainted.

I learned a few things from our enthusiastic boss Dave, who was manager for several stations around town.  The station did not provide any maintenance work so our lessons were mainly about providing good service when pumping the petrol. “When cleaning a windshield, wipe the squeegee off after every pass over the glass.” “Don’t open a radiator cap until it has cooled off.”  “Be ready to change the price because you have to move quick when all the other stations make a switch.” And Dave had an interesting habit of calling everyone Sweetcakes.  This was briefly very funny when the night guy thought he was saying Suitcase.

There were two kinds of gas, regular and ethyl.  Most cars used regular (or reg-lah, as the boss called it).  As I recall, the price per gallon ranged from nineteen to forty-one cents.  Most people paid cash, although a few had credit cards.  No computers yet. Credit purchases were recorded with the sliding mechanical bar that copied the embossed parts of the card to a two-part form; the cash register was electrical but not too smart. At the end of the shift (and when the price changed) you needed to note the number of gallons delivered, calculate the amount of money you should have (including receipts for  wide range of car-related novelties sold) and then hope to come close with the amount of money on hand.

During the slow times Joe and I played a marvelous game:  we each had magic gun fingers and would shoot at each other with imaginary bullets from our magic guns.  The noises were very authentic – pow, bang, ping, and the occasional KA-Pow.  The best part was evading the other guy’s shot.  Twisting, darting, convoluting; no bullet was quick enough to land and no one was hurt.  “Missed!”   That was the fun part of the job.  The hard parts were the con artist, the robbery, and the burns from the exploding radiator, but those are stories for another day.

Just Smart Enough

A proud and confident shyster makes a bet with a visitor from the country. The genius says, “Hey farmer, every question I ask you that you don’t know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can’t answer yours I will give you $5,000.”

The farmer says, “Okay.”

The genius then asks, “How many continents are there in the world?” The farmer doesn’t know and hands over the $5.

The farmer says, “Now I ask you: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?”

The genius thinks and tries very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. He says, “Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?”

The farmer hands over $5.

Pray for Specific Unbelievers

One of the segments in a recent Sunday evening prayer service was a time to pray for specific people who are not believers in Jesus Christ.  The instruction was simply stated, “Call out the names of family members, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and others that you suspect do not yet have a saving faith.”

We spent some fifteen minutes doing just that. It was impressive that many of the hundred or so people gathered spoke the names of loved ones and acquaintances.  Some prayers mentioned the relationship as well as the name. There were many phrases used in the requests – Open their eyes; call them to yourself; fill them with your Spirit; find them on your list of the elect; cause them to be born again – but each prayer was a heartfelt plea for a lost soul.  This was a good gauge of the burden our congregation feels for unbelievers and our understanding that God the creator is the providential, sovereign decision maker in all conversions.

Other prayers were also offered, for us to do our part as witnesses to the good news and for specific outreach ministries and workers for the harvest.   It was comforting to lay all these requests before the One who can answer.

Science-ish

Quantum mechanics – the dreams stuff is made of.

All the good chemistry jokes Argon.

I wouldn’t be so negative if I could find an electron.

Bacteria:  It’s the only culture some people have.

Uncharacteristic Boasting

Paul was not generally given to boasting.  But in order to make a point to the Corinthians that they needed to observe the lifestyle of the teachers they were trusting, he gives a long list in 2 Corinthians 11.23-33 of ways that he has been a better servant than others.

And just before that, he asks for comparisons on other characteristics:

Are they Hebrews?  So am I.

Are they Israelites?  So am I.

Are they offspring of Abraham?  So am I.

Are they servants of Christ?  I am a better one.

This last comparison launches the long list cited above.