I came back the next week (see last week’s euchre club results here) because Blaine was still feeling poorly. Evidently his doctor sent him to a specialist for an intestinal issue. Both Julio and Freddy had stories to tell – Julio let us all know that I was not the only victim last week with his marvelous play. “I must admit, I was also stuffed last week. I had a perfect red loner and Ralph my partner called clubs. But I was big enough to let it go.

“Yeah, maybe at the time, but here you are turning the screws a week later.”

“Just letting you know.”

 

Freddy had to recount the wonders of the article he read about infinity. “This is so cool – it’s even better and bigger than those loner numbers we looked at last week.

“It turns out there are multiple distinguishable SETS of infinite numbers!

“The easiest sets to identify are all those that are countable. That is, they can be described and, if given enough time and space, placed in order 1,2,3,4,5,… So whole numbers are a countably infinite set.

There are famous stories that help one understand other countable infinite sets (called Aleph Null sets by the man who first used set theory to describe them). The stories are called Hilbert Hotel stories, named for the other man who made them popular.

“Suppose there is a hotel with an infinite number of beds, numbered 1,2,3,4,5… with each bed occupied. One day a new customer shows up and asks for a bed. The owner says “No Problem,” gets on the intercom, and tells all the residents to shift – “Move from your current bed to the next higher numbered bed. One goes to two, two goes to three, etc.” Then the owner puts the new guy in bed #1.

“SO…. Aleph Null (countably infinite set) + 1 = Aleph Null (countably infinite set)

Ralph says, “That’s great! Can we start playing cards now, and can we not worry about getting an infinite number of points, and don’t be jumping two at a time when you only earn one, Freddy!”

Freddy acquiesces, “OK, but there are more stories; maybe I can tell them next time.”

 

If you don’t know how to play Euchre, there are quick and easy instructions at http://www.euchrelinks.com/learn.html .

I’m sure these stories started long before, but I just started observing, listening and recording a couple of years ago. My buddy Ralph is part of a weekly euchre card group that meets in the community hall down the street from his house. He’s been going there ever since he retired – he likes to say “retired” but he was really downsized when GM closed the assembly plant he had been working at for twenty-seven years and Ralph did not want to move to the new one in Tennessee. “Too far south, and too hot in the summer,” he said at the time. “I might as well take unemployment here and see what comes along. I’m sure someone will want to hire a good looking career line worker like myself.”

Ralph invited me to sub for Blaine who had “stupidly scheduled a doctor’s appointment for the same time as the card game – which has only been going on forever – and how he couldn’t remember that I cannot tell, but anyway, can you help us out? We need a fourth and I already tried my other buddies that I know can play the game and you’re my last hope, Obi Wan.” How could I refuse such a grand invitation? I showed up expecting to be rolled easily but discovered these well-read underachievers liked each other and liked talking more than concentrating on the cards. I think that’s why they chose Euchre instead of Bridge. Just five cards in a hand, it goes really quick, and it’s easy to remember where you were even after someone goes off on one of their loud tangential monologues.

I played reasonably well that first time, which I can only credit to good cards – how hard is it to say “loner” when you are sitting left of Ralph the dealer, the up card is a nine of spades, and you have both black Jacks, the queen of spades, and the Ace and Queen of hearts? Unfortunately, Ralph’s partner Julio had the King and nine of hearts, and took the last trick, preventing a four spot.

I tried to be upbeat – it was disappointing to come so close and be turned away, and the boisterous boasting of Ralph and Julio was a bit hard to take. “That was the worst hand I’ve had in nine weeks – four nines and a  king – but I still took a trick! Euchre is a great game!” My partner Freddy saw the silver lining. “We did take one point and are now leading you losers 8-3, so please tone it down a bit –this is not the NBA finals.”

Julio was so proud of his cards that he came back with a puzzler… “Have you ever had a cinch loner but not been able to call it because somebody else also had one and called first? That would be even more of a heartbreak than this hand that Luke had over here and I so wonderfully squashed!”

My partner Freddy ponders a bit, fiddles with his cell phone, writes down some big numbers, and lays it out. “I found this site on the internet that say the odds of being dealt a sure loner are about 1 in 1500. They called a sure loner as five top trumps. ”

Ralph asks, “You don’t have to have TOP trumps if you have the top four and another one.”

“Yeah, but then we’d have to figure out the odds ourselves and it is easier just to let the internet do it.”

“Unfortunately, although several sites figure out ONE sure loner, I can’t find one that has TWO in the same hand. Let’s estimate based on that 1 in 1,500. Once you have one, the probability for a second one is probably close to the same, so let’s just multiply them together, which I think is what you do when you want the probability of two events when you know the probability of each. My calculator says 1 in two and a quarter million. Those are pretty slim odds. Don’t hold your breath, Julio. Or, go ahead and hold your breath if it will make you stop jabbering about your “great” play!”

 

“Father Joshua, could you answer a question I have about the Day of Atonement we celebrated yesterday? “

“Sure, Yom. What’s up?”

“Well I get the two goats thing. One is sacrificed here and then all the sins of the people are placed on the poor scapegoat and somebody takes it out and sets it loose in the wilderness. But the part I don’t get is what WE are to do AFTER the scapegoat is led away. Priest Aaron told everyone to go back to their tents and afflict themselves until sundown. My family just sits around and I can’t play. But my friend Kipper told me when he was walking back to his tent, he saw several people getting drunk on too much wine. What is this ‘affliction’ thing?”

“When Aaron used the word ‘afflict,’ it has a meaning like ‘humble yourself.’ So I think Aaron is calling people to fast, pray, and seek the LORD. It is sort of like a very important Sabbath Day – no work, but consciously repenting of all those sins that got laid on the goat.

“My observation is that most people don’t understand the fasting and praying part. Some people are like the ones Kipper saw; they see it as a day off from work and don’t really care about what God says to do. But there are people at the other extreme who figure that ‘afflict’ implies punishing themselves, so they get palm branches and swat their back for most of the day.

“As with most God things, the hard path to follow is to give Him all the glory, with worship, reverence and thanksgiving for His work. You know there are lots of commandments to keep; you are old enough to know we can’t keep them all the time and it is a sin every time we disobey. So it is God’s grace to us to provide that scapegoat every year to remove all those sins far away. Remembering the purpose for the goats gives a big reason for being thankful and appreciative. Does all that make sense?”

“It does. Thanks. Maybe I didn’t really understand God’s part in the two goats. But I have to admit I don’t know why I can’t play games on a Sabbath or Atonement day….”

“Sounds like a discussion for another day.”

Early in the morning, the day after the battle with Amalek.

“Ebenezer, how did you learn to fight so well? You were great in the battle!”

“Well, Bartholomew, I had help from this man – Ravi. He taught me everything I know about swords and shields and knives.”

“Ravi? Greetings. I have not seen you around the camp. What tribe are you with?”

“Good to meet you, Bartholomew.  I am not an Israelite. I escaped from Egypt at the same time Moses led the people out; I am originally from Tarshish but have traveled and lived in many places.”

“And where did you learn to fight?”

“I was trained in martial arts in the Eastern countries on the far side of Ur. It has been my pleasure to help many of the Hebrews who have shown some desire and skill.”

“Well, we sure are glad that you were available. The only skills we learned in Egypt were straw gathering and brick making. I am amazed that we were able to defeat those Amalekites.”

“It was indeed a wonder. I had scouted the people from Amalek before the conflict. They are skilled and experienced fighters; I knew they would be a good test for me, and I feared for the safety of my students, like Ebenezer here, who are still learning. But the fighting turned out to be the strangest I have ever witnessed. Have you heard any of the stories about what Moses and Joshua were doing?”

“The people I talked to said it was Hur and Aaron who were with Moses, not Joshua.”

“That’s right, Bart. Joshua was the one who contacted Ravi and me to join his fighters, and he led us into the battle.”

“Anyway, Moses was holding some staff thingy over his head. The story tellers are saying we were winning when he held up the spear, but whenever he let it down, the enemy prevailed. He needed Aaron and Hur to hold his arms up; then we were able to rout them. That sounds kind of crazy to me. I think it was you strong fighters who won the day.”

“It was really crazy out there. I am very thankful to make it out alive. Good to see you , Bart. Maybe we can connect at the party they are throwing for Moses’ father-in-law. ”

 

Later that day

“Ebenezer, did you feel like our mighty warriors won the battle yesterday?”

“Not really, Ravi. I certainly didn’t feel ‘mighty;’ I was actually a bit dazed after that first blow to the helmet. Thanks for saving me when I fell down.”

“You are welcome. I am proud of the way you continued the combat even when injured.

“I did not want to say anything in front of your friend Bartholomew because he did not seem to hold a high opinion of what Moses was doing. But I could see a very marked difference in the flow of the battle, especially late in the day. It wasn’t so much that we were a lot better, but the Amalekites seemed to be distracted; they were easy to push over, almost like they had given up.”

“I don’t know anything about battles; that was the first one I was ever in. But now that you mention it, it did seem a lot easier as the day wore on. What are you thinking?”

“I do not know this God of yours, but I respect Moses as a good and fair leader. Maybe it is true that Moses is really the one who won the battle.”

“Moses would never say that. He gives all the credit to God who gives him wisdom and instructions. I kind of think he is right; God IS mighty and powerful. After seeing the miracles he did in Egypt, it is easy to see that the battle result could be God’s doing. Remember how the Egyptian soldiers were all drowned back when we didn’t have any army at all? That must have been the God in the fiery pillar who did them in. If he whacked those Egyptians, he could deal with some Amalekites.”

“You think it was God, and not Moses? Maybe Moses is a god?”

“No, it was God. I’m sure of it.”

“Could be. I will have to learn more about your strange ways. In my travels, everyone else has many gods, each of whom has charge over a portion of our lives – harvests or storms or battles or fertility.”

“We believe there is only one God.”

“We? Seems like your friend Bartholomew doesn’t agree.”

“Yeah. I don’t get it. Some believe and some don’t, even after all the miracles we have witnessed.”

“Hmmm.”

The following introduces a new Category of post on aknappforthat.com – Stories. Fiction. Some are based on true events, but all are made up.  Enjoy!

Sunday morning, Many Years BC.

“Moshi, what are you complaining about now?  You don’t like your tent, you whine about the manna, you grumble about being bored on our days off.  What’s your problem?”

“I’m really feeling gypped. I took my offering up to the tent yesterday and it just irks me that Aaron and his boys get to eat part of it, but not me.  It was MY lamb that I had to give up.  Why couldn’t I get a nice little roast out of it?”

“Well, for starters, you gave it up.  Sounds like you did not really want to do the offering.”

“I do it because I am supposed to.”

“And Aaron does it because he is supposed to. They don’t have their own flocks.  They get some of the meat and bread as pay for their labor.  They work hard – they have to be butchers and garbage men and cleaners.  And they have to wear those hot sweaty robes with all the jewels.”

“Well I work hard too.  And it all seems a bit shady how Moses set his brother up so that he and his boys get free food for life.  Can you say ‘Nepotism’?”

“God picked them, not Moses. They are God’s servants, doing holy work.  And I wouldn’t want their job for all the free food in China.  I don’t want to be next to that huge cloud in the tent all day. “

“But why can’t they share some? And why can’t we eat any of the fat?  That’s the best part of my sheep.”

“It’s holy.  You were there the first time they did the sacrifice.  YOU know that God himself burned up all the offering and his cloud filled the tent.”

“Yeah, right.  That was just some crazy lightning strike.  And it saved the “priests” a trip to the garbage dump because it was all gone.”

“Your clay jar is really less than half full, isn’t it?”

“At least I’m not like you, blithely trusting Moses all the time.”

 

Tuesday morning, the same number of years BC.

“Where’s Moshi?”

“Didn’t you hear?  He died yesterday.”

“WHAT?  What happened?”

“He got hit by some crazy lightning strike.”

“Hmmmm.”