Quantum mechanics – the dreams stuff is made of.

All the good chemistry jokes Argon.

I wouldn’t be so negative if I could find an electron.

Bacteria:  It’s the only culture some people have.

I love you from my head tomatoes.

 

An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. But two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt.

“What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks.

“Here, boy, ” he replies.

Yogi Berra turned 90 last week. He was raised in St Louis and was a Hall of Fame baseball player for the New York Yankees. The following quotes are taken from a USA Today Sports article published on his birthday.

It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.

It’s déjà vu all over again.

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Family friends came to Yogi’s house one year when a moratorium had been declared on sprinkling because of a drought. It was about 7 in the morning and the lawn was dripping. “Yogi, you’re not supposed to be sprinkling now.” “I don’t. It comes on automatically.”

A friend told this story: “We were playing golf one day, and I was below the hole with about a 4-foot putt and it was breaking to the right. Yogi was standing up above the hole looking down at it, and he said, ‘No, that doesn’t break right. It breaks left.’ So I putted the ball and it went right and I said, ‘See, Yogi, it went right. And he said, ‘Yeah, but I’m left-handed.’”

One day Yogi was reading a Superman comic book while his med student roommate Bobby Brown was reading a pathology textbook. They finished reading at the same time, and as Yogi tossed aside his comic, he said, “You can’t beat these Superman comics. How’d yours come out, Bobby?”

A sportswriter ridiculed Yogi, saying he was the ugliest player he ever saw. Yogi’s response: “So I’m ugly. I never saw anyone get a hit with his face.”

Yogi passed on his gift to his son Dale, who played with the Pirates. When asked how he and his dad were alike, Dale said, “All of our similarities are different.”

A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the exam is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. In plain English—what’s wrong with me?”

“Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.”

The man nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

A man was angry at being drafted and determined to make things hard for all involved. At his medical examination, the doctor asks if he can read the letters on the wall. “What letters?” the man asks. “Good, “ says the doctor. “you pass the hearing test.”

See more knock-knocks here.

Knock-knock. Who’s there? Ice cream.  Ice cream who?  Ice cream if you don’t let me in.

Knock-knock. Who’s there? Old lady.  Old lady who?  Didn’t know you could yodel.

Knock-knock. Who’s there? Alex.  Alex who? Alex the questions around here!

Knock-knock. Who’s there? Yah.  Yah who?  No thanks, I prefer Google.

Knock-knock. Who’s there?  Doctor.  Doctor Who?  Great show, isn’t it?

Knock-knock. Who’s there?  Dishes.  Dishes who?  Dishes the police – come out with your hands up!

Knock-knock. Who’s there?  ARCH.  Arch who? Sounds like you’re coming down with a cold.

 

What happens when you remove the letter ‘A’ from the front of the alphabet?

You B-head it.

 

Thanks, Linnea!

 

The elevator malfunctioned one day, leaving several residents stranded. Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers, one resident dialed the first and explained the situation. After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on the other end said, “I don’t know what you expect me to do for you; I’m a psychologist.”

“A psychologist?” the resident replied. “Your phone is listed here as an emergency number. Can’t you help us?”

“Well,” he finally responded in a measured tone. “How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?”

See more of these word puzzle solutions here.

 

The trombonist on the red planet is a parade specialist.  He has played in many Martian bands.

If sailors chat about very large waves they’re encountering, I think of that as billow talk.

I imagine some would say that the world of elegant stylish fashion is truly a chic-dom.

Humanoid robot from “Star Wars” who was produced in a trio of reddish-brown hues: Three-Sepia.

If you’re wondering how fast commercial passenger boats travel, they move at ferriable speeds.