A man says to his physician, “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'”

“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”

“Is it common?”

“Well, It’s Not Unusual.”

 

Seen on a home’s doormat:

 

         Doorbell Broken.

Yell “DING DONG” really loud.

More humor on t-shirts.  See 12/21/13 for other examples.

 Her bootlegging was illegal, but I loved her still.

 Never play cards in the Serengeti.  There are too many cheetahs.

 I regret not developing my photographic memory.

 Ancient orators tended to Babylon

 Dishonest golfers don’t play the fairway.

 That cheese doesn’t belong to you.  It’s nacho cheese.

 Seven days without a pun make one weak.

 

What do cows play at parties?

Moo-sical chairs

 

 

Thanks, Kim

A three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, “Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet.”
He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, “Don’t kid me, Mom. I KNOW they’re my feet.”

See 11/16 and 12/7/13 if you care for past history

Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.  Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

 

This brief conversation was overheard one day at church.  It is amazingly simple and complex at the same time.  Names were changed to protect the missing.

 

“Where is Larry?”

 

“Isn’t he up in the tree?”

The Dentist’s Hymn:                                  Crown Him with Many Crowns The Weatherman’s Hymn:               There Shall Be Showers of Blessings The Contractor’s Hymn:                             The Church’s One Foundation The Tailor’s Hymn:                                                              Holy, Holy, Holy The Golfer’s Hymn:                                      There’s a Green Hill Far Away The Politician’s Hymn:                                        Standing on the Promises The Optometrist’s Hymn:                        Open My Eyes That I Might See

 

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much – he became known as the lesser of two weevils.

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

 

I don’t know and I don’t care!