I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid.  He says he can stop anytime.

 I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.  Then it dawned on me.

 I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.  I can’t put it down.

 They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type O.

 What does a clock do when it’s hungry?  It goes back four seconds.

 

 

Thanks to Linnea and her friend Rachel for sending these…

 

When was the first tennis game played?

When Moses served in Pharaoh’s court.

 

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says “Five beers, please.”

Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.

Need an ark?  I Noah guy.

Windmills for renewable energy?  I’m a big fan.

Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbor, but he said he had naan.

 

 

Thanks, Linnea!

Mrs. Green answered the phone to hear a distressed voice on the other end saying, “Ma, this has been the worst day of my life.  I’m going crazy. The kids are all sick and home from school.  I don’t have any food in the house.  I have a doctor’s appointment in fifteen minutes.  I’m going out of my mind.”

Mrs Green says, “I’ll come over, but I don’t know why Oscar can’t take care of the kids.”

“Who’s Oscar?”

“Your husband.”

“My husband’s name is Walter.”

“You must have the wrong number.”

“Oh, does that mean you’re not coming over?”

What are the ten letters of the Pirate Alphabet?

 

Aye, Aye; Arrr; and the Seven Seas

Sharing is Caring – Karl Marx

Just Doubt It – Nietzsche

Gregor Mendel:  Giving Peas a Chance since 1856

Waldo – A good man is hard to find

Zeus’ Hardware – Specializing in Nuts and Bolts

Pavlov:  The name that rings a bell

Evolution:  You Darwin some; You Darlose some

The linguistics professor was making a point about the meaning of double negatives.  “In English, a double negative becomes a positive.  In many languages, such as Russian, a double negative still stays negative.  But there is no case is any language where a double positive means a negative.”

A tired voice from the back of the room says, “Yeah, right.”

What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hand, and two legs?

 

A rookie.

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks, Tiffany!

Fibonacci – It’s as easy as 1, 1, 2, 3

The Binary Social Club, where no One’s a Zero!

PI – It’s as easy as 3.14159

An Apple a Day still leaves you 2-4 servings short of your daily fruit recommendation

Mole Problems? Just call 602-1023

I’m an English Major.  You do the math.