6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy

(But some claim the sample size is just too small)

 

What did Snow White say when her photos weren’t ready?

Someday my prints will come.

 

If you wake up sleepy and grumpy in the morning, you are probably Snow White.

 

What is Grumpy’s favorite food?

Sour Grapes

 

Why does Snow White always treat each of the Dwarves equally?

Because she is the fairest of them all.

 

What’s the difference between a tuna,  a piano, and an opened tube of glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna.

 

What about the glue?

I thought you’d get stuck on that one!

 

 

Thanks, Linnea!

What do you call a cow that’s just given birth?

Decafinated.

 

What do you call a cow with four legs?

A cow.

 

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Ilene

 

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

 

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

Why did they kick Cinderella off the baseball team?

Because she kept running away from the ball!

He’s so tall, six months a year he goes around with snow on his head!

It’s great to have a very tall friend.  I’d want him walking by if I lived on the second floor and the house was on fire.

Abraham Lincoln’s arms were so long, they went all the way down to his wrists.

His mother was tall.  His father was tall.  His two brothers were tall.  He even had a canary with an eight-foot wingspan!

She was as tall as a six-foot three-inch pole.

I had a really good boomerang joke and can’t remember it.

No worries.  It’ll come back to me.

Smith and Wesson went on a safari.  The first night out, they bet a hundred dollars on who would bag the first lion.  In the morning, they went their separate ways.  Shortly a lion approached the jeep where Smith was sitting.  The lion asked, “Do you know a guy named Wesson?”

“Yes, I do,” says Smith.

The lion says, “He owes you a hundred dollars.”

Dizzy Dean was a Hall of Fame pitcher for the St Louis Cardinals and a celebrated “country” radio baseball announcer.

 

“A lot of folks that ain’t saying ‘ain’t’ ain’t eatin.”

• In response to his critics who thought he was setting a bad example by using the word “ain’t” in broadcasts

 

“Bill Terry once hit a ball between my laigs so hard that my center fielder caught it on the fly backing up against the wall.”

 

“Son, what kind of pitch would you like to miss?”

• What he supposedly asked a hitter he’d struck out all day

 

“You know how I say ‘Rizzuto slud into second.’ What’s wrong with that?  As for saying ‘Rizzuto slid into second,’ it just ain’t natural.  Sounds silly to me.  Slud is something more than slid.  It means sliding with great effort.”

 

“I always just went out there and struck out all the fellows I could.  I didn’t worry about winnin’ this number of games or that number – and I ain’t a-woofin’ when I say that, either.”

What’s the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a compound sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.