Ever since I got punched in the nose by that clown, I have smelled funny.

A man bought a very expensive parrot.  He spoke to it nicely, hoping the bird would start to talk.  Every morning he would pass the cage and cheerfully call out, “Good morning. How are you?”

The bird did not respond at all.  Sometimes it would even look away when it saw the man coming.

After several weeks, the man was discouraged.  One day he walked by the cage without saying anything. The bird looked at him and said, “Well, what’s wrong with you this morning?”

 

Amateur Proorfreader

 

What I if told you, you read the first phrase wrong?

 

People hate when sentences don’t end the way they banana.

 

The defendant was accused of putting dynamite into a steer.  Abominable!

Where does Dorian Grey shop?

Forever 21

 

Dorian Grey jokes… they never get old.

I have CDO.  It’s like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.

 

Cliffhangers are…

 

Either you like bacon or you’re wrong

 

Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant

Why were the Indians here first? 

 

They had reservations.

Remember that fungus and algae that took a lichen to each other?  Unfortunately their marriage is on the rocks.

Lazy Person Fact #975842846:

You were too lazy to read that number.

 

On a scale of 1 to 10 what is your favorite color of the alphabet?

 

-273.15 degrees Celsius is the coolest

 

Name four men that are in a rock group but none of them sing or play music.

Mount Rushmore.

We took a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.

I hope there’s no pop quiz

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

 

It’s ok.  He woke up.