Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a terrific essay?

 

Thoreau editing.

Today I am speaking in homonyms.

 

It is allot harder than it seams.

Salad?  That’s what my food eats.

 

Sweet dreams are made of cheese.  Who am I to diss a brie

 

Cole’s law: cabbage must be thinly sliced

 

Sign inside the front door: Please remove your shoes so dog can chew.

Why did the man ride the horse into town?

Because it was too heavy to carry…

 

 

 

Thanks, Sarah!

I like cooking my family and pets. 

Use commas; don’t be a psycho.

The attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check.

Nah, I’m traveling light.

 

What did the subatomic duck say?

Quark.

 

The atom said “I think I lost an electron.” 

His friend asked, “Are you sure?

“ I’m positive”

 

 

If you think you’re too small to make a difference…  spend a night with a mosquito.

Alexander Graham Bell worked day and night, night and day, trying to perfect the telephone.  Finally he got all the currents and parts just right.  Nervously he rang the first number.  A voice answered, “I’m not in right now, but if you’ll leave your name…”

 

Just in time for Baseball’s All Star Game next Tuesday, it’s good to get a foreigner’s view of the National Pastime.  Irishman George Bernard Shaw had the following observations after attending a ball game in New York.

 

“As I left the ground one of my courteous hosts expressed a hope that I would come again.  When a man asks you to come and see baseball played twice it sets you asking yourself why you want to see it played once.  That is a totally unanswerable question.  It is a mad world.  But I will not deny that I enjoyed the afternoon.  I may have the makings of a fan in me for all I know.”

 

“Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.”

 

“Who is this Baby Ruth?  And what does she do?”

 

 

Taken from Baseball’s Greatest Quotations, by Paul Dickson

What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

 

A condescending con descending.