The flood ends, and Noah tells all the animals to leave.  “Go forth and multiply,” he says.

All the animals leave except for two snakes that lag behind. 

Noah asks them why they haven’t left.

“We can’t multiply.  We’re adders.”

Marv Throneberry, New York Mets first baseman, was well known as a terrible defender.  He attended a birthday party for his manager, Casey Stengel.  When Casey was presented with a large cake, Marv pouted and said, ‘My birthday was last week.  Why didn’t somebody give me a cake?”

Casey said, “We would have, but we was afraid you’d drop it!”

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s negativity.

Guitarists fret over everything.

I’m a disappointment in your grammar.

I hope one day to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

I never finish anyth

 

With enough thrust, pigs fly just fine.

Non-flammable?  Challenge accepted.

Haven’t even started to procrastinate

Come to the Dark Side – we have bacon

Resistance is futile( if < 1 ohm)

Do not read the next sentence. 

 

You rebel.

What do you call a bird that doesn’t eat?

 

A polynomial.

 

 

Thanks to EOP!

Our neighbors recently moved their piano and called in the owner of the famous Oppornockity Piano Services to make adjustments.  When he was done, the instrument sounded wonderful, but they were surprised by his parting comment, “Take good care of this piano, because Oppornockity only tunes once.”

I keep pressing ESC, but I’m still here.

 

#. To me, it will always be a number sign.

 

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

 

Any fool can use a computer. Many do.

What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

STOP! You’re under a vest!

****    NO SOLICITING   ****

We are too broke to buy anything.

We already know who we are voting for.

We have found Jesus.

Seriously, unless you’re selling thin mints

Please go away!!