Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

 

I’m not lazy. I just really enjoy doing nothing

I may look lazy, but on the molecular level I’m quite busy.

I have a Masters in the Art of Relaxation

Dear Naps: I’m sorry I was such a jerk to you as a kid.

I’m not lazy. I’m energy efficient

Facebook:           I like drinking coffee

Twitter:                I’m drinking #coffee

YouTube:             Watch me drink coffee

Instragram:         Artsy coffee photos

Pinterest:            How to make coffee

Linkedin:              Skills: I can make coffee

How do you think the unthinkable?

With an itheberg

 

See 6/14/14 for the first set

Keep calm and Game on

Keep calm and use the force

Keep calm and don’t blink  (Dr Who reference)

Keep calm and phasers on stun

Calm you should keep and carry on you must

Two Rules for Success in Life:

1. Don’t tell everyone everything you know

Man 1: “My father has a Louis XIV bed.”

Man2: “That’s nothing. My father has an Adam’s apple.”

 

Dijon vu. When you’ve had this exact mustard before.

I hate tacos, said no Juan ever.

Either you like bacon or you’re wrong

Bakers follow the path of yeast resistance

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

First – How to survive a bear attack. You probably won’t.  Play dead anyway.

 

 

Second – If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

 

Thanks to Tim

A features reporter interviewed a 99-year old man.  At the end of the interview he said, “I’d love to come back and see you when you reach a hundred,”

The old man answered, “Don’t see why not.  You look healthy enough!”