The Dilbert cartoon I remember best is where Consultant Dogbert is telling the Pointy-Headed Boss about two options:

“I can give you good advice for $10,000 or bad advice for $5,000.”

In the last panel, the Pointy-Headed Boss is running through the office with scissors.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

 

You look for the fresh prints.

 

Math illiteracy affects seven out of every five people

47.2% of all statistics are made up

Statistics mean never having to say you’re certain

Always give 100%  Except when giving blood.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

 

The CDC and environmentalists were worried about all the dead crows they were finding on the highways around Boston.  They ruled out Avian Flu when they found that the birds had all been crushed – hit by vehicles.

With paint specks and other evidence they determined that all but a few were hit by trucks.  They called in a bird behaviorist to figure what was happening.  She discovered that the scavenger crows, who eat roadkill, always have a scout in a nearby tree to warn of oncoming traffic.

The problem was that crows in Boston can say “Caw, Caw,” but they can’t say “Truck.”

Thanks, Tim!

Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are cunning and you sleep with your mouth open.

Why won’t hedgehogs share?

 

Where do you get whales weighed?

At the whale weigh station.

 

A new bridge was built in the Ukraine, and they had a contest to name it.  The overwhelmingly popular choice was Chuck Norris.  The authorities decided not to use that name, “because no one crosses Chuck Norris.”

We’ll be friends until we are old and senile.  Then we’ll be new friends.

Why is Abbreviation such a long word?

What’s another word for synonym?

Want to hear a word I just made up?     Plagiarism

Hummingbirds hum because they can’t remember the words.

 

 

Rose are red

So is Bacon

Poetry is hard

Mmmm Bacon