Auto Correct drives me buts.

Earth without Art is just “Eh”

You’re as useful as the “G” in LASAGNA

Be Alert.  The world needs more lerts

 

A man came into a restaurant and warned the waiter, “I like bread.  I don’t care about the rest of the meal, but I have to have lots of bread. The waiter left and returned with an appetizer and two slices of bread.

The customer gulped it all down, so the waiter served four slices of bread with the salad.  The customer ate it all.  The waiter served eight slices of bread with the soup.  Once again, all devoured.  The waiter found a foot long loaf of bread , sliced it lengthwise and served it with the main course.

The customer asks, “What’s with going back to two slices?”

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye Matey.

 

I’d grow my own food if I could only find bacon seeds

Bacon is the answer.  What was the question?

Bacon is like meat candy

Either you like bacon or you’re wrong

Come to the Dark Side – we have bacon

What key on the keyboard was sent to the principal’s office for swearing?

The cursor

 

 

Thanks, Diane

A funeral procession was heading down the main street of town.  A stranger asked the man next to him, “Whose funeral is it?”

The man answered, “The guy in the first car.”

A semicolon is not a medical condition

iTired.  There’s a nap for that.

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic

I can’t brain today.  I have the dumb.

Dear Santa,

Please forget the past, but don’t forget the present.

Sincerely,

Any Kid

 

I went to an emotionally charged wedding the other day.

Even the cake was in tiers

 

Despite the high cost of living, it still continues to be very popular

Video Games ruined my life.  Good thing I have extra lives.

I intend to live forever.  So far, so good.

Living on earth is expensive.  But it does include an annual trip around the sun.