What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta

 

What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?

Every morning you will rise and shine!

 

A dentist and a manicurist married.

Unfortunately, they fought tooth and nail.

Obey gravity.  It’s the law

If the speed of light is 983,571,088 ft /sec, what is the speed of dark?

V = IR.  It’s current law.

Resistance is Futile (if < 1 ohm)

May the F=MA be with you

What can you serve but never eat?

A volleyball.

 

Why did the soccer player bring a string to the game?

So he could tie the score

 

Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?

Because they both depend on the batter.

 

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

 

Why do sea gulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.

 

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

 

Thanks, Bob!

If Mississippi bought Virginia a brand New Jersey, what would Delaware?

Idaho… Alaska!

 

Back in the day Elephant Jokes were the rage.  Mostly they involved absurd situations with a minimum amount of logic, like:

Why did the elephant paint its toenails red?

So it could hide in a cherry tree.

 

How do you get four elephants into a Volkswagen?

Two in the front and two in the back.

Decimals Have a point

Come to the Math Side.  We have pi.

Please don’t drink and do calculus.  Alcohol and Deriving don’t mix

Dear Algebra, quit asking me to find your X.  She’s not coming back.

Rule of math:  if it seems easy, you’re doing it wrong

The policeman had a new mount in the city the other day.  A pastry shop owner tried to give it a donut, which the copper’s previous steed enjoyed.  When the stallion neighed his disgust, the baker exclaimed, “This must be a horse of a different cruller.”