“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.”

“Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.”

“I intend to live forever… So far, so good.”

“Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.”

“If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?”

Check out more Steven Wright statements here, here, and here.