Winners of the “worst analogies ever written in a high school essay” contest. (Actually most of them are similes –but … whatever).  These have circulated on the internet for years…

 He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

 She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open agaln. (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)

 The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

 McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. (Paul Saoourin, Silver Spring)

 From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

 Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (Unknown)